Ibandla lami linge lakho / My church is your church
"to recapture a sense of this family"

“What are we supposed to do?”

An open letter from Jan and Ruthann Hall

to the churches participating in I3L, and those starting up,

concerning ‘things we can do’ and ‘how we might do them,’

 and some related observations:

 In which are discussed the following topics: Talk with each other.  // Talk regularly.  //  Have multiple contact points.  // Spread the love.  // Show the other church what you’re like, and what you do.  // A possibility for a joint worship activity. //  Talk with God about each other.  // Pen Pals.  // Connecting groups.  // Consider ‘parallel’ efforts. // Remember, and forgive, the opposite seasons.  // A suggestion concerning acknowledgment of communications.  // Other directions for communications. // Have suitcases, will carry. 

Dear friends of the I3L churches: 

Among the churches in KZN and in Massachusetts that are participating in the I3L effort, are churches that are large and churches that are small and some that are in between.  Some of the churches are urban and some are rural and some are suburban, in each place.  Some of the churches in each place are relatively well off and some are relatively less well off.  Whether in KZN or in Mass, the participating churches have younger and older memberships.  We could go on, but you get the point. 

In traveling around KZN and around Massachusetts to meet you, we’ve noticed that “each Congregational church is different from every other Congregational church.”  While we’d expect the KZN churches to be not exactly like the Mass churches, neither have we found the KZN churches to be exactly like each other, nor the Mass churches exactly like each other.  And it’s natural, therefore, that no one relationship between a church on the KZN side and a church on the Mass side is exactly like any other. 

We received a message from one of you, describing a telephone call you’d had with a new friend in the other church, which included this:  “She expressed some of the same concerns from her church that I hear from this church... what are we supposed to do?  I encouraged her, as I do here, to open up the conversations and allow them to go where they may but I think, still, that there is some apprehension.”  That was good advice about how to go about this relationship process.  It’s probably right that such a sense of doubt and even apprehension is shared by all of us.  Behold, we’re involved in a new thing!  We are called to this effort in order to minister to and with one another – and if we are open with and to one another, it will only be good. 

We’ve explained that the idea of I3L is not to prescribe what your churches should be to each other, nor to tell you what you should do with each other.  The idea is to link the actual church lives of your churches, not some theoretical life, nor our or some denominational body’s concept of what your church lives are or should be.  So what you do with each other, is and should be up to you both.  I3L is not a new program, so much as it is an idea.  Remember that I3L is most about doing the things we already do in furtherance of our own church lives, in recognition of the relationship and family link with the other.

But this can be daunting, not having a prescription for how we should do this new thing.  So we thought it might help a bit if we provided you with some basic thoughts about possible answers, from what we’ve seen and heard from some of you, to the question ... what are we supposed to do? 

Remember, while we hope these thoughts will help spur your thinking and discussions with the people in your ‘matched’ church, these are not ‘rules’ or ‘requirements’ that you must follow.  You’ll recall that there are only two ‘rules’ for I3L:  First, you and your matched church have a commitment to each other to ‘give it a go’ for four years, to allow for time to find one another and begin to get to know one another.  And second, you understand that the relationship between you is ‘not about money’, not about transferring resources from the one place to the other, but rather about sharing and linking our lives as churches.  The purpose is to grow to be truly brothers and sisters in the church of our Lord who can give and receive each to and from the other of the true wealth of our churches – our faith and our works from that faith.

Within those limits, we offer the following ideas, suggestions, and thoughts about possible approaches and activities.  Consider …

Talk with each other.  Have you talked to each other?  Have you begun to talk about your journeys of faith, your church lives?  It’s amazing how rich a relationship can become if we actually make contact with one another.

It is perfectly possible to put together our own celebrations of a relationship with the other church, a recognition of our desire to be one family with our friends in the other country, complete with pictures and maps we’ve gotten from books in the library and searches of the Internet – and such information can be a good thing – but if this is done without talking to the people in the other place, what’s actually the point?  The I3L effort, in seeking to develop ‘mutual and reciprocal mission,’ asks us to do these things with the people in the other place.

Each set of churches has embarked on this journey in order to know each other, not just to know about each other.  We want to be brothers and sisters in the church, for and with each other.  That merits our investment in talking with each other, writing to each other, becoming actual identified people for each other (family, in time), and not just generic (and pre-packaged) ‘Africans’ or ‘Americans’ to each other.

Try it by telephone, please!  Writing and sending letters by post or other means is available, too, and we shouldn’t forget those possibilities.  If you’re not making adequate contact with the other church by one means, try another.  Our main recommendation is to use the telephone – please! – in order to get to know one another and to discuss yourselves, your ideas, and your plans, and then as seems helpful to use the other means to implement and spread the contacts amongst you.

Talk regularly.  Have you set up a regular time when you’ll be in contact with each other?  If we’re trying to connect our actual church lives, then it will not work to talk to each other only when we’ve got something special to say.  We need to establish contact with each other in order to know one another.  As to each area of connection between you, consider setting a specific time, each week or so, when one of you would call the other, to exchange news and forward the common agenda, but also to ‘stay in touch.’

Have multiple contact points.  Is there more than one person in your church who has contact with a person in the ‘matched’ church?  If there’s only one ‘conduit’ between you for the relationship between the churches, much will depend upon that one person; sharing the load can be a good thing.  In particular, having other ‘contact persons’ who are interested in different parts of the lives of your churches, will give you a far better opportunity to establish true relationships in regard to the various facets of your church lives.

So, if you’re presently the only contact person for your church, enlist others!

Spread the love.  Each person who’s in contact with the other church should be sure to make that known to others in his or her own church.  This can be done generally through announcements in church, and through newsletters or bulletins where these are available, or individually through the daily and weekly conversations with each other in our churches.   Don’t keep it to yourself!

Mentioning your ‘matched’ church and people in the other church in these ways can be an easy way to extend awareness of and interest in the relationship between you, within each church.  If we are truly trying to be one extended church family, we would want to do this with respect to our friends in the other church just as we do concerning our own.

Show the other church what you’re like, and what you do.  Does the other church know what you look like?  Do they know what your church looks like?  Do they know what your church sounds like?  Have you sent them pictures (with explanations) and recordings?  Introduce yourselves, and what and how you do things as a church, to each other!

They’ll be interested, and putting together something like a photo album or music collection to send to the other church can be great fun for the people in your own church.  Think of putting together a ‘scrapbook’, including information about your church, your town or area, the people in it, and on and on.  Tell your extended family in the other church about your closer family in your own church.

If you receive such materials from your ‘matched’ church, respond!  Ask them about what interests you, and about what you don’t quite ‘get’, in what they’ve sent you.  “What is this ‘Stephen Ministry’ about?”  And send them stuff as well.  (No, if you get a fancy book, you don’t have to send back something just like it.  Do what you want to do, what can be done – and especially what can be done sooner rather than later.)

And don’t stop with doing this one time … keep the pictures and materials flowing between you!

If your church has a newsletter or puts information in a weekly bulletin, for example, be sure to put the other church on your mailing list!

And if you get such material from your ‘matched’ church, be sure to use it, making it known and available to the people in your own church.  It’ll do much more to advance the relationship if people not yet involved in the contacts with the other church, can share in the fun.

A possibility for a joint worship activity.  While there are no ‘programme requirements’ for the I3L effort, clearly it might be helpful for the churches to learn more about each other through some sort of shared focus of activity.  We have therefore suggested to some that the paired churches begin this process of learning about each other, and how to work with each other, through concentrating your initial efforts on activities pointed towards a mutual celebration of the relationship between your churches.  Specifically, we have suggested that the matched KZN and Massachusetts churches  begin to work together by putting your efforts towards holding a joint or parallel celebration as part of the regular worship services on a Sunday, preferably a communion Sunday.

[We have suggested to some that a fitting time to mark the connections the churches seek to establish through the I3L effort, might be the first Sunday in October.  This Sunday is celebrated in the US churches as “World Communion Sunday,” as a time when the churches are asked to consider the oneness of Christ’s church across the world.  There is, again, no requirement that this be the chosen date, but it’s a suggestion.]

But the point of this suggestion is not merely to propose that your two churches join in celebration of communion while acknowledging each other, though that could be a special and significant moment for you.  The hope would be that the process of planning for that day and the service on that day would help the paired churches, and the people involved in the various aspects of church life that you’re looking to connect, to learn how to communicate and work with each other.

To this end, we are suggesting that as many as possible of the elements of church life which will initially be linked be represented in some way during the service.  For example:

·         The Sunday Schools of each church could be asked to decide upon a favorite Sunday School song or songs, and provide the words and music for that song or songs to the children of the other church, to be sung as part of the joint service.

·         Each church could prepare a banner or other token, representing their own church and its church life, to be exchanged with the matched church and ‘received’ at the joint service, and at that time to be appropriately installed in the receiving church.  While this can be a natural point involving a quilting or sewing group, if you have these, it might also serve, if the youth are to be an initial linkage point between the churches, that perhaps the youth of each church could be given this .

·         The women’s organizations of the two churches, could mutually decide upon and exchange appropriate responsive readings and/or prayers to be included in the service.

·         The pastors and other worship leaders of the two churches could consult on appropriate scripture readings, hymns, other special music and other elements of the worship experience for the day, which could be included in both services to bolster the sense of family and community in common worship that day.  Sharing in communion that day might be a very special experience for all.

·         It had not occurred to us before, but we’ve heard that in the case of one ‘match,’ the ministers have called the other church during the time of the other’s worship service, and – by holding a mobile phone up to a microphone – addressed and greeted the other congregation during the service.  This struck us as a great idea!

Those are a few suggestions, only.  We feel sure that more elements could be included, as you discuss this within your own church and with the matched church.

We should emphasize again that pointing your two churches’ efforts towards such a sharing of a Sunday worship service [whether at World Communion Sunday or some other time] is not the real purpose or long term goal of the I3L program.  Please consider these efforts as providing a context to begin to learn more about each other, to work together, and to share ourselves.  While we hope that the celebratory service will be a most special moment in the lives of both churches, the more significant result of these efforts will be in the contacts you begin to craft, linking various persons within our churches and the several parts of our respective church lives.

Talk with God about each other.  That is, pray for and with one another, and for your relationship.  Most of you know that we’ve been emphasizing the idea of establishing prayer connections between your churches, as a very significant means of linking the church lives of your churches.  There are many ways something like this could be done, of course, and it will depend upon what’s available in your own churches, but here’s a description of one way it has worked: 

“What's involved is for a person involved in a prayer group at each church to speak to each other on a regular basis ([so far] this has been handled by the US side placing a phone call to the SA side), perhaps weekly if that is possible.  They would come to know one another pretty well over time.  Their conversations would involve exchanging identified and explained personal prayer requests from each church, which would then be incorporated in the prayers of the other church's group.  Over time, these might be updates, or they might be new requests -- both as to concerns and requests for healing, and to thank and praise for joys in the lives of the respective congregations.  The role of the contact person would then be to pass these on to the prayer group in their own church at the next meeting.  The idea, really, is as if the other church is included in the ambit of the prayers of each group.  Which, if it is done regularly, is about as good a description of how the linking of the lives of the churches might occur as one could wish.”

Again, if your churches come up with a different approach to this sort of connection, that’s great – but please give it a try!

Pen Pals.  Some of you have established direct connections between individuals in the ‘matched’ churches, through pen pals between children in the Sunday school, which seems to come readily to mind but – excitingly – some are exploring this manner of direct connection also involving youth, and even adults in the memberships of the churches.  This has involved gathering lists of people in each place who would like to participate, and then exchanging the lists, sometimes with the very sensible step of having initial letters to prospective correspondents written first from one side or the other … anything that doesn’t delay the actual beginning of the communications, would seem to be to the good.

If the participating pen pals can be urged to talk in their letters about their church lives as well as other topics, this can be a very meaningful addition to the church-to-church connection more broadly considered.  The pen pals should be urged to share their personal communications, received from the other church, with their group within the church, and with the broader church in each place.

The means of the correspondence – by post, by e-mail, by audiotape, even by telephone – can be varied … whatever’s available!

Connecting groups.  Try to link and share through the programs and groups that are already going on within your respective churches.  Your Sunday schools, whether generally or through specific classes or groups, might get to know each other through exchanging and sharing pictures, letters, artwork, songs, lessons … and the leaders of these activities in the respective churches could come to know each other and the work they share.  Other groups and activities, such as choirs, youth, women’s groups of various sorts, and others, could be related similarly.

This requires direct contact between people involved in these efforts in the respective churches.  At each stop in our efforts to identify and initiate relationships between you, we’ve tried to obtain and forward to the other church the contact information for at least one person in each church and, where available, persons involved in some of those other areas of possible connection; but going further is up to you!  This applies to your children, your youth, your women’s organizations and men’s organizations, your music programs, and the rest.

Exchanging information, talking about joint and shared and reciprocal and parallel activities, planning towards common events … all of these are parts of the journey.  It is through that journey that we can grow to know and love one another as we’re called to do.

Consider ‘parallel’ efforts.  An idea that we’ve suggested as a means of connecting youth groups of the matched churches, could also be considered in the context of other groups and activities.

In the youth context, the idea is to have members of the groups discuss with each other types of concerns common to their communities (it’s our observation that the concerns of young people in our respective communities are more similar than not, even with the apparent differences between us).  Then, the hope would be that the groups would agree on a joint, parallel effort with respect to those concerns, seeking each to undertake works in their own community in response to the concern, but as part of a common effort with the other group.  Each group would be, in effect, the hands of the other in reaching out to our own community, while engaged in what would then be a true effort of the church universal, with local effect.  Our reflections with each other on these things we’d then be doing, could enrich us all.

Trying to be the representatives of each other in this way could, it seems to us, be a way to connect the activities of other parts of our church lives as well, not just the young people.  The key elements are the conversations between us concerning the nature of the works to express our faith, and the awareness and expression of our mutuality in acting in response to that faith.

Remember, and forgive, the opposite seasons.  Massachusetts is in the northern hemisphere; KZN is in the southern hemisphere – so, naturally, your seasons are opposite.  In large measure, as well, the seasons of your church lives, dominated as they are by the school and vacation calendars, are also opposite.

So, for example, when the American churches are relaxing as they come into their summer, the KZN churches are actively going into their winter.  The KZN churches will have to understand that the programs and activities of the Massachusetts churches are very much less during the period June to August, and then start with a rush in September.  The Massachusetts churches might want to remember that the KZN churches are still active during this time, and consider whether the connection with the South African church might be an opportunity to enliven the summer life of the American church as well?  The reverse situation, and similar patience with each other, should be remembered when January rolls around.

A suggestion concerning acknowledgment of communications.  We had not anticipated that it would become a difficulty for the churches involved in the I3L effort, in their communications, to know whether they were actually reaching each other.  One of the advantages of telephone communication in this regard, is that one knows whether one has spoken to the other person, or not.  But with letters by post, and even by e-mail, whether the message has been received, and understood, by the person receiving it, may not be knowable to the sender.

This has, in some instances, led people who’ve sent something to the other church to presume that their message to the other church has been received, when it hasn’t been; they may think it’s being acted on, when it’s not; or they may think (and feel upset that) it’s being ignored, when it’s actually being acted upon, or may never have been received.  If we each get into the habit of responding quickly when we get something from the other church – even just to say, yes, we got your communication, and we’ll be talking amongst ourselves and will get back to you – it can help when, as will no doubt happen, there are what seem to be delays in our communications with each other.

So, think about the other party, when you get something from them.  If they send you something, let them know you’ve gotten it.

This bit of advice may sound a bit excessive, but we’ve learned the importance of this the hard way.  You’ll need to work out your own means of dealing with these and similar issues, and if you are open and communicative generally, this shouldn’t be a problem; but we wanted to alert you to this issue that we’ve encountered with the other churches.

Other directions for communications.  We hope you’ll keep us directly informed of how you progress, and we’ll try to keep you each posted as to the developments from other matches, as well.  One of the hopes for the I3L program is that the participating churches in each place – both those in KwaZulu-Natal and those in Massachusetts – will work to help each other as we all seek to find the best ways for the program to go forward.  We’ll all want to share our experiences with each other, as things develop, and will want to be thinking about ways for that to happen, as the effort proceeds.

Have suitcases, will carry.  The two of us have established a schedule that has us in KZN from March until early August, and at home in Massachusetts from August through February.  When we travel to and from KZN on these trips, we have been carrying with us materials from several of the US churches to be given to their existing or prospective ‘matched’ churches in KZN, and where the KZN churches have materials – pictures and letters, gifts and presentations of various kinds – which they wish taken to their ‘matched’ Massachusetts churches, we’ve been happy to assist.  We can do so up to the volume available in our suitcases.  So let us know, as soon as you can, if there are things you think you’d like us to take back or forth for you.

You know that we’ll help out with questions and communications issues if we’re asked.  But we will hope that your first questions and discussions about how to deal with communications and logistical issues will be with each other, since that’s part of the ‘getting to know each other’, as well.

As we’ve told you, our own plans are to continue to work on the building of the existing I3L relationships, as well as on the broader and expanded effort, whether we’re in KZN or in Massachusetts, and to be in communication with each of the churches, in both places, as often as we can.  We do hope that you’ll keep in touch with us as you proceed.

Thank you all for your and your churches’ participation in the I3L effort.  We hope and pray that you will gain a true sense of community and family with each other in the context of the lives of your churches.  We hope and pray that in time and with the help and guidance of the Holy Spirit, it will truly be so that

‘Ibandla lami linge lakho / My church is your church.’

If there is anything at all that we can do to help, please do not hesitate to contact us.

With affection,

Ruthann Hall

Jan Tore Hall

[Updated Nov. 2005]